The Last of Us: Part II

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 Let’s get one thing straight: The Last of Us Part II isn’t just a game—it’s a masterclass in how to bake your political agenda into every pixel while simultaneously making zombies seem like they have feelings and a social justice seminar to attend. While the gameplay is an absolute masterpiece, the story, characters, and sheer amount of "woke-ification" feel like the developers were playing “woke bingo” and hit a blackout in the first 30 minutes.

First, let’s talk about the graphics. They're so stunning, you can almost see the glisten of Ellie’s vegan-approved tears during every single overly dramatic moment. The Seattle apocalypse looks so good, it might make you wish for your own woke zombie apocalypse—minus the sermons, of course. And the sound design? Impeccable. You can practically hear the pronouns being whispered in the wind as zombies shuffle past. Every infected growl might as well be saying, “Call me they/them!”

The story centers around two female protagonists, Ellie and Abby. Let me emphasize this: these women are masculine AF. Ellie is a brooding, scowling, guitar-playing machine fueled entirely by rage and the tears of male gamers everywhere. Meanwhile, Abby looks like she was carved out of stone by Michelangelo…if Michelangelo had been asked to sculpt “roided-up CrossFit Bro” as a challenge.

Seriously, Abby is jacked beyond belief. Her biceps could crush melons, and her personality? About as warm as a vegan protest in winter. Is this what it means to be a woman now? Naughty Dog clearly wants us to believe that femininity equals bench presses and protein shakes. At this point, Ellie and Abby are so "progressive" that the word "woman" itself feels like it’s sitting somewhere in the corner crying.

Oh, you like lesbians? Great, because The Last of Us Part II has ALL the lesbians. Ellie? Lesbian. Dina? Lesbian. Flashbacks? Lesbian. Memories? Probably lesbian too. The whole game feels like an extended episode of The L Word, just with fewer feelings and more zombies.

Honestly, it gets to a point where you’re wondering if the developers thought, “You know what’s scarier than zombies? Heterosexuals!” By the time you finish the game, you’re half-expecting the infected to stop mid-bite and come out as pansexual, polyamorous zombie allies.

Speaking of the zombies, I couldn’t help but think they’re probably woke too. Why? Because there’s no way Naughty Dog didn’t have a brainstorm session where someone pitched the idea of infected NPCs wearing rainbow pins. While they don’t outright state their pronouns, I’m sure there’s a lore notebook somewhere explaining why the Clickers are “genderfluid.”

Now, let’s get serious for a second. The gameplay? Absolute perfection. Stealth mechanics are fluid, the combat is visceral, and the level design is so good it almost distracts you from the political lecturing. Almost. There’s nothing like sneaking up on a zombie in the middle of a beautifully rendered forest, only to pause and think, “Man, I wish these devs would stop making woke sermons and just give me a game this good with a decent story.”

The crafting system, enemy AI, and overall pacing make this one of the most polished gameplay experiences I’ve ever had. But the sheer waste of this talent on a narrative that tries so hard to “educate” the player is like watching a Michelin-starred chef cook ramen noodles.